I have figured out the secret of applying passably mediocre eyeliner! 

1) Arrive 10 minutes before the rest of the cast, and plan to devote all 10 minutes to drawing 4 black arches around your eyes.  If time is leftover, it will be spent on eye shadow.

2) BYOM.  Bring Your Own Mirror.  That way you don’t have to fight for space by the 1-way mirror that is actually a window for every passing by in the hallway and gets to see the awkward squinting face of your jabbing yourself in the eye with a pencil. Repeatedly.

3) Use a sharpened pencil, not the easy roll-up eyeliner.  While the latter is easier to apply to other people (as in, when doing make up for small children) or when doing age lines on less-delicate skin, the former makes a darker line with ease, so you don’t have to push as hard, and it actually looks less sloppy.

4) Angle the pencil with precision, so it neither hits upper eyelashes, nor jabs the eyelid, nor slips into the eye proper.  This angle is more or less 72.3 degrees from horizontal. 

5) Move like molasses.  Slow and steady will use all 10 minutes, but will get you the desired raccoon eyes. 

6) Try not to forget your make-up at home by the front door, thus sending Mr. Apron home to get the bag and therefore negating the ability to use 10 full minutes on your eyes, and cramming the entire beauty preparation routine into the 10 minutes before warm-ups.